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Relationships between mothers and daughters are extremely important as they shape the future life and relationships with others of a woman.
Unfortunately, mommy issues occur pretty often and women struggle because of them. It’s vital to cope with the problem to live a fulfilling life. Knowing more about mommy issues will certainly help!
What Are Mommy Issues in a Woman?
The role of the mother in the life of each woman is paramount. It’s the most important thing, especially in early childhood as there is a strong bond between the mother and her child.
In a healthy relationship, a girl gets all the love, attention, and emotional support. She feels protected and considers her mother as a true friend she can always rely on. In this case, a woman grows up as a confident and harmonious personality capable of creating loving and caring relationships with others.
However, not every family manages to nurture such a healthy connection. Mommy issues usually occur in girls and women who had toxic (or, on the contrary, overly-doting) relationships with their mother who was also emotionally unavailable.
As a result, the kid doesn’t get enough love and support and cannot create a strong bond with their mother.
Moreover, the quality of relationships with mothers also shape daughters’ attitude towards romantic intimacy and it equals the level of openness and trust to others.
In addition to the general mother-daughter relationships, you probably heard about two well-known complexes in psychology — Oedipus and Electra.
This one refers to daddy issues in male children. It implies the feeling of competitiveness with their father over their mother’s love, attention, and affection.
On the contrary, this complex refers to mommy issues in women. It means that female children feel like they compete with their mothers to get love from their fathers.
The complex occurs at the age of 3 to 5 years and can affect the personality of a woman. It also refers to mommy issues and can nurture insecure attachment styles in women which can affect future romantic relationships.
Core Signs of Mother Issuesin a Woman
You Don’t Have Female Friends or Have Just a Few
Women with mommy issues can not trust other women. This is why they usually don’t have female friends at all or have just a few in their circle.
Women with mommy issues usually choose male company and don’t easily let people in their life in general. So, they expect other women to act and treat them like their mother, who neglects, can be jealous, or sabotage their life or relationships with other people.
That’s why women with mother issues are insecure about relationships with other women.
You Have Difficulties Creating Strong Emotional Bonds
First of all, females with mother issues cannot create strong and healthy emotional bonds simply because they don’t know what it is. As they didn’t bond with their mother, they have hard times bonding with other people.
Another reason for the inability to build emotional bonds is the fear of being vulnerable and opening up to other people.
You Have Resentment Towards Men
We have mentioned that the possible sign of mommy issues is the lack of female friends. Along with it, resentment towards men can also be a demonstration of a deep problem. It happens when women in their early childhood observed their mother having troubled relationships with men. Pushing away men serves as protection against potential emotional harm.
You Have Trust Issues
Mother’s love is unconditional. But it’s not always the case. If a girl had to deserve mom’s love and attention in her childhood, most likely, she will have serious trust issues in the future and will doubt the feelings of other people towards her.
Because of the fears and insecurities, females with mommy issues have difficulties making friends and building romantic relationships with men. And as we all know, trust issues are one of the main reasons for couple breakups.
You Avoid Profound Relationships
Women with mommy issues are simply afraid of being hurt again. You are afraid of building long-term committed relationships despite the desire of being loved and happy.
The biggest fear that nothing is going to work out holds these women back from having a romantic connection. Avoiding relationships means avoiding frustration and pain.
You Have Lots of Insecurities
Negative experiences with a mother in early childhood and adolescence can nurture plenty of insecurities in a woman. In case a mother usually criticized her daughter and didn’t get enough attention and care or ignored her, a girl will have insecurities and a lack of self-esteem.
It won’t let a woman build healthy relationships with herself and set her personal boundaries.
You Don’t Know How to Express Emotions
Everything is rooted in our childhood. Healthy relationships in a family are the basis of an emotionally healthy individual. If a woman has never had a chance to be emotionally close with her mother and share her deepest secrets and feelings, she didn’t learn to express her emotions. Usually, these women never reveal what they feel inside.
This characteristic can be unfortunate for females’ relationships with the opposite sex and seriously damage not just her romantic relationship but also affect her relations with close friends.
This emotional unavailability is a coping mechanism that helps a woman not to feel vulnerable.
You Are Being a Tomboy
Being a tomboy is one of the main demonstrations of having mommy issues. The denial of your feminine side enables you to better control your emotions and stay in the safe zone. Taking into account that your mother was your first feminine example, being a tomboy means rejecting the traits that your mom has.
Also, a tomboy will have a hard time building romantic connections. Therefore, it can hinder your way to happiness.
Tips to Deal With Mommy Issues
If you acknowledge having a similar problem and you want to change your life for the better and get over your childhood traumatic experiences, here are some tips that can help you deal with mommy issues.
Get Emotional Support
If you want to break the circle and heal your wounds, it’s important to build a strong support network that will help you deal with them. Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings with your significant other, close friends, other family members, or a therapist.
It will ensure your solid emotional support and enable you to let go of the situation. Taking into account that inability to express emotions is one of the signs of having mommy issues, you will have to make an effort and learn to share your deepest feelings and grow from them.
Build Awareness of Your Past
To overcome mommy issues, acknowledge your past experiences and situations. You have to build awareness that certain actions or attitudes of your mother towards you were less than you deserve.
Feeling anger and other intense emotions are the direct sign that you recognize the problem. Once you pinpoint the negative behavior towards you, you will be able to get over them and move on with your life.
Start Therapy Sessions
Mommy issues are not as easy as they might seem at first sight. To overcome them, get professional help. The healing path requires your effort and strong guidance.
Getting therapy is a perfect way to connect with an experienced expert and work through the mommy problems. It will be your first step to acknowledging the roots of the problem in your relationships.
By getting professional guidance, you will make quality changes that will positively transform your life. During online sessions, you will have a chance to explore:
- Your personality
- Thought and behavioral patterns
- Childhood traumatic experiences
- Relationships problems with your mother and other people, etc.
In addition, therapy is a great way to become a better version of yourself. You can also learn toset up boundaries, increase confidence and self-worth. You can address mental problems like anxiety, depression, codependency and develop the ability to build healthy relationships.
Why Online Therapy?
If you never considered therapy because of the high price, online counseling will be a perfect solution for you. Online sessions are an extremely convenient, affordable, and time-efficient way of connecting with experienced therapists who will help you improve your mental and emotional well-being.
Usually, online therapy platforms offer diverse pricing plans that will fit your individual budget needs. Speaking of the convenience, with online sessions, there is no need to commute to the therapist’ office as you can talk to them online via your favorite device.
So you can set up the treatment process according to your individual preferences and needs to make it as comfortable as possible. This is important for boosting your progress and sticking with the treatment plan.
So, in case you are ready to make your first step to a healthier life and relationships, opt for online therapy to feel the difference and start improving your life.
Read our reviews to choose what suits you best!
As you can see, mommy issues are a real existing problem that can have a lasting impact on your life. It’s important to understand that overcoming the problem will take time and effort.
However, facing the issue and doing all your best to cope with it will enable you to significantly improve your well-being and live a fulfilling and enjoyable life.
Just stay consistent to see the results and nurture healthy relationships with yourself, inside of your family, and in your life in general.
In this case, going through therapy will make your progress faster and allow you to achieve tangible results under the supervision of a qualified professional. Online sessions are a more affordable and convenient way to connect with therapists. Just give it a try and see how positively your life can change.
Matthew is an experienced and passionate BIPOC and inclusivity mental health expert. They are also a blogger, speaker, and relationship coach. Matthew helps people practice self-love and find mental and emotional peace through simple, practical tips and resources.
There is no one way that mommy issues in women look. A woman with a mommy issue may be distant and withdrawn. She may be highly critical of herself and overly dependent on others. People pleasing is another tendency, as is a disorganized attachment style.What do mommy issues look like in a woman? ›
There is no one way that mommy issues in women look. A woman with a mommy issue may be distant and withdrawn. She may be highly critical of herself and overly dependent on others. People pleasing is another tendency, as is a disorganized attachment style.What are signs someone has mommy issues? ›
Being demanding or critical. According to Beurkens, another way mommy issues might show up, particularly in women, is demanding, critical, or controlling behavior. Essentially, if a woman had a mother who exhibited these qualities growing up, she may learn to mirror these and display them in adulthood.What triggers mommy issues? ›
Mommy issues are often caused by attachment styles in early childhood. Insecure attachment styles can develop as a result of poor parenting. Research indicates that attachment in childhood affects the development of familial, social, and romantic relationships later in life.Can girls also have mommy issues? ›
Women may also have mommy issues, but they may present differently. Gender may affect how the impact of their complicated mother-daughter relationship may show up. A 2020 study found that the need for approval in relationships is more common in women, while treating relationships as secondary is more common in males.What is cold mother syndrome? ›
What Is Cold Mother Syndrome? Cold mother syndrome is a mother wound in which a mother cannot deal with her child's emotions. Such mothers are physically present to fulfill the financial and living needs of the child. But fail to provide the essence of love, safety & security, and a sense of belonging.How do daddy issues manifest? ›
Potential signs you may have "daddy issues" include low self-esteem, trust issues, repeatedly entering toxic relationships, people-pleasing tendencies, jealousy or overprotectiveness in relationships, idealizing men in your life, or seeking avoidant or emotionally unavailable partners.